I went to see Ashnikko at MTELUS on May 18th. All I got was a bomb show and slow roasted like a rotisserie chicken. MTELUS heats up hotter than the gossip at DD’s, but there was no way I was missing Ash, so I’m officially on hiatus from them until the air hurts my face again. Usually, when I rock up to shows in concert blacks, I can easily blend into the crowd, but Montreal showed UP for the Smoochies Tour. I need you all to know that I am a trinket girlie at heart, but I simply cannot be sparkling head to toe in the photo pit, making all y’all’s videos look terrible. From one Ash to another, “I’m working bitch!”
I looked like one of the boyfriends dragged along with zero idea what was about to happen. My only possible redeeming quality was my hat (I did get the memo that this was a hat-mandatory event), which said “My Girlfriend is Hot as Fuck.” It didn’t even come near the fabulous hats I saw in the crowd. My personal favourite hat displayed, very elegantly, a Barbie giving another Barbie head. There were so many people who got the maximalist memo and showed up head to toe in trinkets. There were also a few boyfriends who knew what was happening, but they were certainly in the minority. Most of the non-dancing men were either shell-shocked and frozen in a fascinating mix of horror and horniness, or they were displaying levels of biblical greed I haven’t seen in a long time. Sir, the tall lesbian with hearing protection in and head-to-toe black doesn’t care about you grinding on your girl. Please stop boring holes into my head. I will not be joining you. That’s not very Smoochie Girl of you. Focus on the incredible performance in front of you. My bisexual era was a limited-time offer, and it ended long ago. I thought Ashnikko concerts were an on-leash zone, but I guess free-range is more in these days.
I was honestly surprised that there wasn’t more kink gear on display. I thought the Montreal x Ashnikko affair would involve more leather, but with the heat, it was probably better to have gone without. I have described Ashnikko’s music as Bisexual Freak many times. Other people in this genre include (but are not limited to) ppcocaine, Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion, Princess Nokia and Doja Cat. It’s a very specific genre that both centralizes and criticizes the male gaze and outlines the expectations and demands of bisexuality/pansexuality/any other polysexuality while shaking ass so skillfully I know their step counts are all crazy.
The entire show was incredibly camp, which makes sense since Ashnikko is pansexual and genderfluid. Why not have all the fun you can?!? They opened their set with “Who are all of these PEOPLE?!?! Living in the bottom of my PURSE?!?!” In an Alice in Wonderland-esque adventure, Smoochieland exists at the bottom of Ashnikko’s purse. They really looked like she crawled out of a fabulous drag queen’s purse. She had a thick measuring tape necklace and so so so so so much hair tinsel. Everything in the set design is an innuendo, a double entendre or a reference to their songs.
The permanent signs in the back of the set say “2 for 1 Boyfriend” and “Full Frontal Lobotomy Here” with an arrow pointing down. Her fans’ signs were even more overtly horny and fantastic. “We kept our bushes long for daddy,” and “smooch my cooch,” were the two signs that Ashnikko explicitly asked her photographer to get photos of. There were giant props straight from a high-school production, including lip gloss, perfume, cut-out waves and a tombstone. Unfortunately, Ashnikko couldn’t wear hats on this tour due to the amount of headbanging she does; they even hired a hat maker for the tour, but the hats flew off within seconds. They joked that if they ever do an acoustic tour, the hats will be INSANE.
Ashnikko’s singing range is incredible, as are her cardio skills. Their foot was injured before the show, but I never would have known if she hadn’t told us at the beginning of the show. They also mentioned that their doctor said they will need to stop dancing in Converse so she doesn’t break her foot, but I don’t think her Converse era will end anytime soon. Like a truly chaotic queen, during I Want My Boyfriends to Kiss, she kept screaming, “KISS FOR ME MONTREAL!!!” and even had a smooch cam going.
I was thrilled that my favourite Ashnikko song, Invitation, was included in the setlist. It went triple platinum in my 4 1⁄2, and I still scream it regularly, even though it’s been out for nearly a decade. It’s always great when artists play a good mix of fan favourites and new songs. I hope Ash appreciates that my concert afterparty was a toastie that was inhaled before chugging an electrolyte drink halfway back to my place. What can I say? I’m a classy bitch.
Setlist
Sticky Fingers
Working Bitch
Microplastics
She’s So Pretty
Lip Smacker
Trinkets
Smoochie Girl
Skin Cleared
Toxic/Invitation
Chichinya
Manners
You Make Me Sick!
STUPID
Tantrum
It Girl
Wet Like
Full Frontal
I Want My Boyfriends to Kiss
Liquid
Itty Bitty
Slumber Party
Daisy
Review & photos – Ashtyn Turner
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