Some shows are so important to me that when I submit myself for a photo and review pass, I still buy myself a ticket. On these rare occasions, it’s thrilling when one of my most anticipated concerts of the year is included in Live Nation’s Concert Week. And thanks to the 5SOS boys, that meant that both my best friend and I got to enjoy the concert together, an arena apart.
After the Lady Gaga Ticket IncidentTM, now every time I go to Centre Bell I go EARLY, just in case the box office is swarmed again. In this case, that meant getting there as it opened to get my press ticket and then checking in for my photo pass. I would then make the worst mistake of the evening. My roommate texted me asking if I wanted her to get my merch so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting it later. But since I couldn’t decide what I wanted, I declined. This would later lead me and Sarah (of themusicenthusiastblog fame!) on a wild goose chase to every single merch booth at the concert to find the last Montreal-specific 5SOS shirt (which was an XXL and hanging on the wall), BUT we were successful, so it made for a fun adventure!
A runner-up for worst mistake (I mourn you, size large Montreal shirt) was Luke Hemmings watching me get absolutely annihilated in the knee by the camera dolly. Imagine liking a band for over a decade and dodging the dolly with your camera, but forgetting that you have a body. Or me realizing mid-review that I probably could have gotten Concert Week tickets to Toronto as well.
Altogether, these incidents only briefly wounded my pride, but concert memories are forever.
In my excitement to get to Bell Centre for doors, I ended up being catastrophically early for the show. In order to combat that, I got myself an iced coffee so that instead of being stressed (regular), I could be stressed (super sonic). The unlucky victim of this iced coffee rush was Tim Snow, who made the unfortunate choice to not only be early, but also to ask me if I knew of the band, and got what I can only describe as a 5SOS version of a drunk history of Fall Out Boy, rapid fire.
I take personal credit for any review that came out of anyone else there who asked me if they played instruments or if it was just one guy + backup band a la Tame Impala. Another problem of being locked in photographer jail at Centre Bell is that I did not get to vote for the secret song. I heard later that they accidentally put Hamilton’s choices up first, and due to this technical error, many people didn’t get to vote for Montreal either.
I will say that hearing “Don’t Stop” live always makes me giggle because when I was in middle school, and far too old to wear a full costume to school, I swear to god I went as Mike-Ro-Wave for Halloween, and you can take that as gospel because I went to Catholic school. Complete with a pair of American Apparel boxers (that were definitely sorted into my brother’s laundry) and red hair colour spray. I am a Michael girlie through and through, but I won’t lie, when he grew his hair out, and Calum buzzed his, I did fully switch sides. In my defence, I didn’t really get how crushes worked until I saw a butch lesbian for the first time.
This was my fourth time seeing 5SOS, but my first time with a photo pass. That means that for the first time in my life, I was as free range as the boys were on stage. I also realized in real time that trying to get photos of them is like herding cats. I thought being an agent of chaos would make it easier, but alas. Ashton was high up on the limousine drum platform. Michael seemed mildly overwhelmed having so many people running around beneath him so he kept turning away, Calum was actively running away from the cameras, and Luke was running at the cameras full speed with no shame.
Trying to get them all in one photo proved to be impossible. I know they like each other, so would it kill them to all be in the same frame??? I will also say that when they came out for the encore through the crowd, they went the same way we, as photographers, got to the pit. That means Luke Hemmings, Michael Clifford, Calum Hood, and Ashton Irwin copied ME. And that’s a victory I’ll keep forever.
After describing the stage as Pokémon ball-shaped to the other photographers multiple times, it clicked in my head that Michael probably had something to do with it, and that it was probably what the stage was based on. There was a lot of nostalgia, so many old photos on the screen, classic songs, and callbacks to bygone eras of 5 Seconds of Summer. Happy Pride Month to all the emo boys who made me think I was bi for nearly a decade. Y’all permanently altered how I flirt, and I am not sure if that’s for the better or for the worse.
Luckily, Michael neither fell off the stage OR got burned by pyro, so I count that as a personal victory. Especially since they haven’t had a tour stop in Montreal since they came here with One Direction. Fortunately, for all you y/n obsessors, I have my own 90s face to kiss, so I can assure you that the only shenanigans that I got up to were terrible dad dance moves in the seated section.
I do, however, feel personally robbed that the Montreal stop didn’t get to see Calum in a kilt, despite Montreal having a very strong Scottish community. But I will say we get tiny finger claps for getting Ashton with his cunty little moustache. Idk what it is about a man with a funky little moustache, but I am here for it. They also did free Ash from his limousine prison for a few songs so that the fans could see him, and so that he could stretch his legs.
Luke was up to his normal, pretty-boy shenanigans. During “I’m Scared I’ll Never Sleep Again” Luke is supposed to dramatically and GRACEFULLY slide on the far side of the stage towards the fans, but I have never known this man to be coordinated in the slightest, and he fell down with such little grace that I saw several security guards’ ass cheeks clench all the way from the lower bowl.
I feel bad that 5 Seconds of Summer were a rock band from a garage outside of Sydney and ended up being signed by people who wanted them to be the next big boy band, especially after being discovered by Louis Tomlinson. And that’s no slander to Louis. He’s a fantastic vocalist in his own right, but One Direction was manufactured (very publicly) to be as marketable and appealing as possible. A biblically accurate boy band, freshly assembled and shiny just for you.
Destined to be the alternative boy band foil to the already internationally famous 1D boys, 5SOS were never set up to succeed. They wanted to be a boy band in the same way The Clash wanted to be a boy band, AKA not in the slightest. They wrote all their own music, they played all their own instruments, and they had created themselves from scratch. They just happened to be young, pretty, and marketable. So young, in fact, that they needed parent chaperones for that tour, and still had embarrassing Instagram names like lukeisapenguin.
Terrible marketing has killed way too many bands for my liking, but I am glad 5 Seconds of Summer survived teenage fame so that I can continue to enjoy their new releases. It feels like we grew up together, and that’s also part of the reason I love that they all acknowledged their solo albums during this tour, since they never really got the chance to experiment as artists before their rise to fame.
I genuinely believe that 5 Seconds of Summer is better live than they are recorded, but that might just be my pop punk heart yearning for sweaty basement shows. Hearing them harmonizing live is also always a treat, and although I know their knees probably hate it, seeing them do the synchronized punk jump during “She Looks So Perfect” always takes me back. They’re always going to be part of 5 Seconds of Summer even when they’re pursuing other passions, and they’re still the same dramatic boys I fell for all those years ago, even if the Boyband Of The Year award was 100% rigged.
Truthfully, if I could put all their genders in a blender with a generous dose of lesbianism, that would probably come closest to who fourteen-year-old me wanted to be, like some kind of secret sauce only available to tumblrinas. Remember, it’s not ketchup, it’s 5 Sauce.
Setlist
- Act 1 – The Peak
- NOT OK
- No. 1 Obsession
- Teeth
- Act 2 – The Fall
- Easier
- More
- istillfeelthesame
- No Shame
- She’s Kinda Hot
- Boyband
- Telephone Busy
- Evolve
- Act 3 – The Yearning
- Bad Omens
- Ghost of You
- I’m Scared I’ll Never Sleep Again
- Act 4 – The Breakup
- Starting Line (Luke Hemmings song)
- Have U Found What Ur Looking For? (Ashton Irwin song)
- Don’t Forget You Love Me (Calum Hood song)
- Enough (Michael Clifford song)
- Act 5 – The Rise
- Amnesia
- Don’t Stop
- Act 6 – The Beginning
- English Love Affair
- Voodoo Doll
- Waste the Night
- Jet Black Heart
- She Looks So Perfect
Encore
- Everyone’s a Star!
- Youngblood
Review & photos – Ashtyn Turner
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